Well, almost at the end of another week of training and I have a few thoughts about it so far...
It's intense - the sheer volume of information, whilst not overly complicated material, is overwhelming. Despite this - I love it. Even though I'm yet to go on road, the nature of the training we are receiving and the skills we're expanding on every day makes me wake up each morning (still sleepy and irritable, but also) excited and ready for another day.
But it isn't all perks. When we first got here we started a line of questioning for some of the senior paramedics, a way of getting to know the things about the job that the public don't hear. Best job, worst job, goriest job and saddest job - the story that's stayed with me the longest comes from one mans saddest story...
He was called to a possibly deceased and when he arrived, sure enough there was a deceased man laying there. He had been dead for possibly several hours, and no attempt at bringing him back was going to be necessary. He was an elderly man, the person who made the call was his wife who had found him 'sleeping' in their bed. After telling her the bad news, she sat there silent for a moment.
"But... what do I do now?" was all she asked. They had been married for over 60 years - every day together, every moment shared. She had spent vastly more of her life with this man than without, and just like that - he was gone.
These are the situations we don't have protocols for, that we can't train for no matter how hard we try. These are the hardest parts of the job and the real test of strength.
I like to think that one day I can stand in front of a class of new recruits and tell them my stories - the best, the worst, the goriest and the saddest. I just hope mine isn't so sad - but I know it will be, and that it's a part of what the role entails. I want to be good at this, and then I want to be better - I'm not doubting myself, but I hope I have the strength.
That's something you won't know until you're standing in front of that frail old lady, alone for the first time in decades and scared, tears welling in her eyes as you desperately try to stop the ones welling in yours.
Wednesday 26 March 2008
Thoughts so far
Posted by Kane at 3/26/2008 11:06:00 pm
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2 comments:
I know how you feel regarding the bad news.
I went in today with my group to practice getting histories from patients.
We met one incredible gentleman, 90+ years old, feeling fine apart from the presenting problem of a phlegmy cough that has persisted for quite a while. Diabetic, but no real issues with it, he"s been living a fulfilling life with his wife of 70+ years.
Unfortunately, after following through with all the questions we go through, following along with all the questions we were supposed to, we discovered that the patient himself wasn"t aware of what was becoming blatantly obvious to us. Asked about doctor diagnosis, he stated that the doctors seemed to be messing around and not giving him anything definite, and he just wanted to go home to his wife who herself was having issues with her health. The look on his face when he mentioned her was heart breaking, misting up my eyes a little.
Well, long story short, we had a diagnosis of cancer. He didn"t know it, the doctors probably knew it but weren"t confirming it yet, but it was coming. The best we could do at this stage was wish him the best and hope he can get back to his wife.
That part of all this is definitely going to be one of the hardest things to do...
Yeah, it's definitely one of those things that you -expect- going into the profession, but then when it's a real person sitting in front of you it kind of hits home...
Well here's hoping we're good enough to never have to worry about breaking bad news!
... Yeah, I know...
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