My first test

There was a sporting event at Monash University, I was on duty as a First Aider with St John Ambulance. I'd experienced a few minor injuries at local football events (a few knocks and bumps, no ASC or LOC though) and thought I was pretty good at this First Aid thing.

There were a few of us there that day, so when a few people were called over to see an injured girl at first we thought nothing of it - two people headed off with a standard kit and walked over. A second later a call came through on the radio with a panicked voice saying that something wasn't right and they wanted assistance. I hurried over (walking still, but purposeful walking) with an O2 tank, when I got there she was lying down and turning blue. I quickly called for the attending FA's to get her into the recovery position while I set up the oxygen and called through the radio for an Ambulance. She was conscious and alert, but had trouble answering questions - pulse rapid and weak, resp low and shallow. I carried out other obs and reassured her until the Ambulance arrived and got her into the vehicle.

My hands had been a little shaky but sure of themselves. Everyone was a little shaken up though, for all of us it was our first 'serious case'. For some reason I felt like I was in charge of the situation, even though some of the people there had been in St John for longer... I started a debrief for the members after the Ambulance had left and congratulated them on a job well done. I talked them through what happened, what was done, what should have been done (but still affirming them) and things to remember for next time.

After a while it was time for me to go, only then did my hands really tremble and I felt my share of the scare. Nobody saw it, but I had been terrified. At one point she had looked at me and said "I'm scared.", to which I could only say "You'll be right, you're doing great - just keep taking deep breaths." and hope I wasn't lying. I never found out if she was ok, I'm positive she was but there's always that feeling of 'what if'. But from that case I learned two things - what I was doing had very serious ramifications, and I wanted to be better at it.

Almost a year and a half later I had become head of Operations and Training for the division, we were having a meeting when a member said to me "You know, I've never seen you freak out, you're always in control." I think back to the first real test, to every test I've had since then. Each time I'm scared, but each time it gets that little bit easier, more refined and autonomous. I reply the only thing I can think, the only thing that makes sense -

"Oh, I freak out," I laugh. "the important thing is to do it after the patient is safe."